What if?

I spend a lot of time ‘what if-ing’.
What if my mum gets physically ill?
What if I get early onset dementia?
What if this doesn’t work out? Or that?

I might tell myself I like to have considered different scenarios. But, they’re never positive. I don’t sit, dreamily thinking ‘what if I have an amazing, long, happy retirement’, for example.

So, giving consideration to the future, not a bad thing (wills, pensions, the boring stuff).
Allowing myself to sit around ‘what if-ing’ my way through various futures that I am literally conjuring up from my imagination, for no good reason - not so great.

The times I am most present, in the here and now, are
- at yoga
- visiting my mum

These are things that require my focus and, when I am with my mum, I am really with her. I have to be. If I don’t concentrate, I could miss something so very fleeting. A smile. A glimpse directly at me. A word or two, spoken, that make sudden sense, amongst the sing-song string of words in a language only hers. All of these things are limited, and therefore I have to stay in the present, to catch them.

We all ‘what if’, of course we do. And, life is hectic, we get locked in memories, or pondering the future, and sometimes, we neglect the now. This precise moment we are in. Where we could, actually, be doing something positive for ourselves.

So, what if today, we all took a deep breath, and thought, what tiny thing could I do, in the next 5 minutes, hour, few hours, that would be good for me? And then, just did it. Even if it’s 3 minutes listening to your favourite song. Something good, for yourself, in the present. Let the future wait another day.

Much love,
Anna
xx

My mum, holding her monkey toy.