Love is a Many-Tentacled Thing
One of the hardest things, when it comes to my mum, is choosing gifts. This is a woman who used to love presents. Who doesn’t? you might well ask. But, there are plenty of people for whom giving and receiving gifts isn’t their love language - my mum was never one of them. Until now.
Obviously, it’s more important to me and my step-dad to celebrate my mum’s birthday, and other occasions, with gifts than it is to her. Or, as it seemingly is to her, because, let’s be honest, we don’t really know. Anyway, not giving gifts to someone who used to love receiving them? Not really an option.
Clothes are always a good shout, but we’re always seeking some spark of interaction, which is what brought me to, quite triumphantly, one Christmas, suggest…a robotic cat. Mum used to have a cat, and this one was interactive. You’d stroke it and it would purr. It would meow, roll over and was specifically designed for people with dementia. I was 100% sure it was going to be a great gift. Did I mention it MEOWS?
No prizes for guessing what happened next. My dogs liked it. A lot. I liked it. My mum didn’t so much as look at it. I think she may, on one occasion, have found the purring and meowing a bit irritating, but realistically, she had no interest in the cat, whatsoever. (I wouldn’t call it an unworthy purchase, because I find it perfectly entertaining to take with me and stroke it, and listen to it purr, when I visit. It’s actually very soothing. For me).
This year, for Mother’s Day, I remembered how much she used to love Paddington Bear, so, I thought I’d get her a Paddington Bear toy.
Paddington Bear #2.
The first one I ordered turned out to be the size of my hand. I don’t know why I don’t understand measurements when they’re on Amazon listings, but there we are.
Paddington was not the hit I hoped for. Because, what I was hoping for wasn’t really very likely in the first place. A hint of recognition? Maybe an attempt at the word ‘Paddington’? PB pretty much drew a blank.
My mum’s birthday was coming up not long after Mother’s Day, and I decided to put some thought into what she might interact with. Looking backwards hadn’t helped me. How does she interact with things now? They toys she’s loved the most recently have been Jellycat bunnies. They have long, flexible ears and limbs, no ‘added extras’ like clothes, and no hard bits (like, somewhere for batteries and other mechanics to go).
What could I think of, therefore, with the most attributes she actually enjoys now? Well, the most appendages I could think of any animal having was 8 - surely a nice, soft octopus would be ideal?
And, sure enough, Ollie the Octopus has been a big hit. His tentacles have a bit of tension in them, to make them curl, and she’ll wrap them round her wrist. They’re soft, easy to hold, and easy to manipulate to twist together. Ollie has been perfect.
I categorise these presents as gifts of ‘hope’ - where I am hoping to spark a memory, versus ‘leaning in’ and being accepting of, and reacting to who she is now.
I’ll almost certainly continue with my ‘hope’ gifts, over time. I mean, you just never know, do you? But acceptance is to the benefit of both of us.
Much love,
Anna
xx
(ps, yes, this is a gift website, talking about gifts it doesn’t sell. I highly recommend looking on Amazon if you’re after a toy octopus. I’m about to order a back up one, as Ollie already has one chewed tentacle).
Ollie the pink Octopus toy.
